LGBT in sport stories to mark National Inclusion Week

It's no different for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, who are increasingly finding sport a more welcoming environment.

Incidents of homophobia, biphobia and transphobia continue to be tackled in sport, but governing bodies, key figures and organisations like the charity Stonewall are helping to make sport accessible and accepting for all.

People would probably still say the rail industry is male-dominated and 'masculine' - but that doesn't mean it's not accepting.

It's funny - of all the people who have asked me if I'm gay or who I've chosen to tell, the best-received comments have probably been from work colleagues. They've become some of my best friends who I keep in regular contact with and meet up for beers. They think it's great that I referee and when I was previously officiating in the EFL [as an assistant referee], they would come and watch and support me.

A lot of my friends who are also gay have no interest in sport, especially football (I don't count going to the gym as sport, but they would probably argue that point!) So when I've achieved something in refereeing or I've had a bad game, they often don't understand the pressures or think to ask.

Sometimes that can be hard, but I've recently dragged a couple of them to games which, to their surprise, they've enjoyed. Perhaps that's more because I'm being shouted at, but it's progress!

It makes sense for referees to speak up on equality - it's integral to our job. For starters, regardless of gender, we're all treated the same - the fitness test for the professional game is the same whether you're male or female.

As for sexuality, I've chosen to tell some of my refereeing colleagues that I'm gay, purely because I've become friends with them. When you're in good company, you share things about your own life. That happens even more as you move up the pyramid - it becomes tighter at the top and if you're good enough, you'll get to where you want to be.

You can also have games where everything doesn't run as smoothly as you'd like. That's when your fellow referees act as a support network to pick you up, dust you off and help you for the next stage of that game, or your career.

Sexuality came under the huge bracket of diversity and difference in our squad. It was more about accepting and understanding everybody for who they are, whether that's to do with their sexuality, background, ethnicity, or beliefs. To be aware of each other in that close-knit environment is so important when you play and train together as a team.

Throwaway, banter-type, locker-room comments have an immediate, strong and lasting effect on people hiding parts of themselves and parts of their lives. I think it goes across lots of topics, but particularly LGBT stuff. Mental health is becoming more talked about, but I feel this is going to be the last taboo. You've got to be in a place where you're comfortable in your own skin.

My first hockey club, Didsbury Greys, had all sorts of women playing in it - of different backgrounds, ethnicities, sexualities. I was immersed in that world from a young age, so for me it was absolutely normal whether somebody had a relationship with a man, or a woman, or a man one time and then a woman the next. It was not even an issue for me.

[So] if one of those natural leaders in a squad hears someone say 'that's so gay, you're so gay'... if someone immediately stamps on that and says 'it's not OK for you to say that' and shuts it down, then that's a really strong message. It can seem like such a small thing, but really it's understanding how those small behaviours every day add up to a big meaning and a purpose.

In the locker room, there is banter - and for a closeted athlete, it can be intimidating in two different ways.

One is that you can't really connect with some of the other athletes over what they're discussing. They're talking about women a lot of the time, and you've got to put on this facade of 'oh yeah, I sleep with women, I'm interested in women, when I go to the club I'm looking for this, this and this'... when in reality, you're so far removed from what they're talking about. You're trying to keep up with your own lies, thinking 'what did I say last time? Are my lies lining up OK? Am I able to fool them?' That's always on your mind.

Then there are occasions when team-mates and coaches are trying to pep you up - they're talking about the other team, and there's language that goes around that can be homophobic. When people use words like 'faggot', 'poof' or 'queer', it's usually a split-second decision and they're not really thinking about what they're saying.

But when you're a closeted athlete sitting there, looking at your coach saying these things, you're taken aback. I would sort of close down, I couldn't look at my coach, only at the floor... in a way, with these words, it would feel like he was directly talking about me. He wasn't - he would be talking about the other team - but you still get that sense of disappointment, that sense of 'they don't like someone who's like me'.

There are so many negative connotations with those words and particularly within sport, so when you hear them being used in a pep talk or about the opposition, it can be very damaging. It makes you want to stay closeted and keep your secret even more.

With one of the teams I was with, there was a kit man among the staff who was a gay guy. Some of the things that were said about him in the locker room... that's when I really thought 'I can never come out to these people'.

They were joking around, saying 'we've got to wait until this guy leaves before we can change'. And I'm thinking, 'man, what if they knew that I was gay and they're changing in front of me? Would they have that same mindset?' Again, it was just banter and they're trying to be funny, but when they're joking about someone being gay who's part of our staff at the club, and making little snide comments here and there, that was even more damaging than the homophobic language used in my coach's pep talks. I'm hearing them say stuff directly about a gay person, and I'm a gay person. It really hits home.